


buzzfeed unsolved: the unanswered disappearance of peter quill

by icymapletree



Series: 13 nights of halloween [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, Kinda Crack, Precious Peter Parker, buzzfeed unsolved - Freeform, ryan from buzzfeed, shane from buzzfeed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 06:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icymapletree/pseuds/icymapletree
Summary: “This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we dive into the unanswered disappearance of Peter Quill,” Ryan’s voice rang through the room.Peter sat up, hair stuck up in all different directions. “Wait, wait, wait. Pause it. I know this guy.”





	buzzfeed unsolved: the unanswered disappearance of peter quill

**Author's Note:**

> firstly, this is inspired by [this post](https://peterparkerdd.tumblr.com/post/183537523435/quill-im-peter-quill-people-call-me-star) by [peteparkerdd](https://peterparkerdd.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> secondly, this was written for #4: scary movie night on [hailingstars](https://hailing-stars.tumblr.com/) 13 nights of halloween prompt list!
> 
> lastly, i apologize for the extremely abrupt ending and the absolute CRACK this fic became.

“My turn to choose,” Michelle said, kicking her feet up on the arm of May’s ugly paisley printed couch.

“Aw, c’mon!” Peter said, taking a handful of peanut-butter M&Ms, “I thought it was my turn.”

“It was your turn before Ned’s. Now, gimme the remote,” she said, making grabby motions with her hand.

“You gotta listen to her, Peter. You chose to date her, now she’s the boss,” Ned nodded.

“Thank you, Nedward. I know I can’t pull it out of your grip by force, Spider-Man, so I might as well use my debate team skills - “

“Nope, nope, you can have the remote.” He passed it over to his girlfriend whose face was lit up with a smirk.

“I’ve been waiting to play this one all night,” she sighed, and clicked on an episode, “It’s brand new.”

_“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we dive into the unanswered disappearance of Peter Quill, an eight year-old from Missouri,”_ Ryan’s voice rang throughout the room.

Peter sat up, hair stuck up in all different directions. “Wait, wait, wait. Pause it.”

Michelle obliged.

“I know this guy.”

Ned dramatically gasped.

“Ten bucks says that they get this all wrong.”

Michelle raised an eyebrow. “How would you know?”

Peter crossed his arms. “He was in space with me. Weird dude. Obsessed with Footloose the movie, half-celestial, and loved eighties music. But, like, not the good eighties music like the Ramones - ”

“Cut to it.”

“He stays at Stark cabin sometimes,” Peter shrugged, “Things get confusing, though, when he’s there because a tree named Groot comes along with him and there’s a talking racoon and a blue girl named Nebula -”

“That is literally the craziest sentence anyone has ever said,” Ned sighed, slack-jawed.

“You say that nearly every week.”

“Because you say crazier things every week.”

Michelle nodded like she agreed.

“Okay, well that’s fair,” Peter crossed his arms.

Michelle pressed play on the video.

_“That’s not really the time you want to vanish,” Shane chuckled, “Being eight years old was, like, the best time of my life.”_

_“Well, apparently he didn’t have as good a time as you did,” Ryan pushed his notes together, “You’re gonna start to see that this kid really vanished without a trace.”_

_“It’s a hard one to pin down, huh?” Shane looked at Ryan._

_“Yeah, it’s gonna get pretty weird. So, uh, strap in,” he cleared his throat, “On October 25th, 1988, Peter Quill was at Memorial Hospital in Jackson, Missouri, visiting his mother. Hospital reports state that she had a brain tumor that caused her to pass away that same night._

_“A close family friend reported Peter missing about an hour after his mother died.”_

_Alternating yellow and blue text appeared onscreen. Yellow represented Shane and blue represented Ryan._

_“There really is nothing that suspicious yet,” Shane said blankly._

_“Just you wait.”_

_“You know, maybe he just kinda wandered off.”_

_Ryan wheezed and the text cut way to the video’s normal montaging._

_“The houses surrounding the hospital sent in reports of a bright burst of light around five minutes after Peter’s mother was declared dead. His bookbag was missing, and extensive search parties for the boy found nothing._

_“One woman who was driving by the hospital claimed to have seen a spaceship, but that was quickly shut down by the local police.”_

_“If I was a police officer, I’d be quick to shut that down too,” yellow text wrote as Shane spoke._

_“Yeah, a member of law enforcement can’t exactly believe the woman who cried aliens.”_

_The video flipped back to a frame of the two men. “Would it even be crying alien anymore, now that we know they’re real?” Shane asked._

_“Depends on whether or not the alien you are talking about is real or not,” Ryan chuckled, “So, believe it or not, that’s pretty much it for the actual disappearance. Things got interesting six-ish years ago, when his name showed up on the Avengers memorial for those who were dusted.”_

_Shane looked at Ryan. “Didn’t they also put the name of a sixteen year old on that memorial? Should we take that inscription with a grain of salt?”_

_“The kid’s name was Peter Parker -”_

Peter’s eyes widened and he gasped. “Shut the front door!”

_“- and he has a part in this, too, believe or not.”_

Michelle paused the video. It was rare that she was shocked or surprised, but this had her reeling. “Oh my god, my boyfriend is in a Buzzfeed Unsolved video.”

Peter looked at Ned and pointed at himself. “I’m in a Buzzfeed Unsolved video!”

Ned appeared to be close to hyperventilating. “My best friend is in a Buzzfeed Unsolved video.”

Michelle pressed play again, rolling her eyes.

_“Last year, a few months after the Battle of 2023, Tony Stark was seen out in public with his intern, Peter Parker, and someone who greatly resembled a render of what Peter Quill would look like now.”_

Ned and MJ looked at Peter, unreadable expressions on their faces.

“What?” Peter shrugged, “We took him to see the new movie _Yesterday_.”

_“This has sparked a lot of different theories online, going from plausible to nearly impossible.”_

_“I mean, I wouldn’t write off anything as impossible. Just be glad we live in California instead of New York, where the craziest thing we have is Giant Man,” Shane laughed while Ryan wheezed._

_“Theory number one is that he ran away and was taken by the government to have experiments done on him, much like the original Captain America tests. They claim -”_

_Yellow text appeared onscreen. “Who’s they?”_

_Blue answered. “What do you mean, who’s they? They’re them.”_

_“Oh, them. I know them.”_

_Shane and Ryan laughed as the latter began to speak again. “They claim that he was placed in Area 51, that the Stark family owns and created.”_

“Mr Stark owns Area 51?!”

_“Ah, so that’s where Stark comes in,” Shane nodded, “Is Parker in this one?”_

_“No, he’s in the next one, though. The next theory is that Parker is the clone of Quill.”_

_Shane shook his head in disbelief._

_“Hear me out! They say -”_

_“Ah, them again.”_

_“- that Quill was placed in Area 51, like the previous theory, but in this one, he was cloned. Parker looks a lot like a younger Quill, and his close relationship with Stark could be explained by the fact that Stark owns where he was created.”_

“That’s insane! I’m not a clone. I will never be a clone.”

“Never say never, Peter,” Michelle smirked.

“That’s it. I’m done with this. No more Buzzfeed Unsolved for me.” Peter stood up and easily grabbed the remote from Michelle, turning off the TV.

“Awww, c’mon!” his friends yelled.

(“Mr Stark, do you own Area 51?” Peter asked one day in the lab.

“Yeah, I do, actually.”

“Will you let me see some aliens?”

“Firstly, you’ve literally met aliens. And, no, I won’t let you in there, but I will disclose the information that you are, in fact, a clone.”

“I am not a clone!”

“That’s exactly what a clone would say,” Tony smirked.

Peter placed his head in his hands and groaned.)

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh i really don’t like this, but i wanted to post something today
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/icymapletree)!


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